


Another Kind of Trip

by Faustess



Series: Melt My Heart: An Avengers Saga [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool (Movieverse), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Banter, Don't Judge Me, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Forgive Me, Nicknames, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Past Relationship(s), Some Plot, Swearing, What Was I Thinking?, not much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:18:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faustess/pseuds/Faustess
Summary: Deadpool's been taking out Project Centipede targets.  The Avengers want his info about them.  There's a little background, but then... it goes about as well as you'd think.  XD





	Another Kind of Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little interlude sometime after the events of ...Frozen Wastes.
> 
> I just thought it was too funny not to share, but I do realize it's not great (I did take out the most embarrassingly bad parts). Like 90% banter, song lyrics, and hijinks. Please don't judge past me too harshly. XD
> 
> Songs quoted: "Shoop" by Salt and Pepa, "Fantastic Voyage" by Coolio, "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem; & Katy Perry's "Firework"

_Sometime in 2011_

Sigrid leaned over the table in front of her, elbows spread out as she carved her name in runes on the tabletop. She had the hood of her sweatshirt pulled forward, obscuring her face. Apparently, she wasn’t entirely successful – _had she been singing along?_ – because from behind her, and in time with the music, she heard “Can I get some fries with that shake-shake bootie? If looks could kill you would be an uzi. Or a shotgun – bang!”

Sig looked over her shoulder to see a familiar scruffy blonde man and she asked, “Hey Wonder Woman – when did you get back?”

He climbed up and over the back of the booth. “Seat taken, Vee?”

Sigrid closed her eyes. _Well, why not_ … She opened her eyes, “Is now.”

“What? Really?”

She shrugged, peeking out from the shadow of her hood. Sig bit her lip and raised her eyebrows as the song changed. She sang along with the beginning, “Come on, y'all, let's take a ride. Don't you say shit, just get inside –” She grabbed his jacket and pulled him in closer, licked her lips, and in a lower voice said, “it’s time to take your ass on another kind of trip.”

Wade Wilson looked like she’d hit him in the head with a brick, murmuring, “'Cause you can't have the hop if you don't have the hip.”

“That’s right.” Sig nodded, leaned in and kissed him. “You got the hip?”

Wilson nodded, staring at her lips.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

In bed a few days later, he said, “You’re sorta cute under all that stuff.”

“Kevlar?” Sig asked, eyebrow raised.

“I guess.” Wade grumbled about her practicality. “Tell me your real name.”

“Hm?” She’d been sitting on the edge of her bed, foot propped on his chest, painting her toenails.

“No way your name is just ‘Vee.’” He kissed one of her toes.

“Why not? It’s a great letter.”

“You mean you’re just ‘V?’ Not V-E-E?”

Sig nodded.

“An initial?”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Wonder Woman.”

“Stop calling me that… I’m nice to you…” He brushed some stray hair out of her eyes.

She dipped the nail polish brush into the bottle and swiped it on the lip of the bottle. Looking up through her eyelashes and hair, she said, “Seriously, it’s a great letter.” Holding up the bottle of green fingernail polish, “Viridian.”

Wade scoffed.

Sigrid picked up his hand and kissed his fingertips one by one, “Vexing, vulgar, vigorously virile veteran.”

He licked one of her toes. “Very voluptuous, vivaciously vocal vixen?”

Putting the polish down, she straddled him and brushed her lips against his. “Veritas.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

The bartender shouted over the typical din, “Got one for you V!”

“Something good?”

“Hell if I know. Just a phone number. Job’s in Philadelphia.”

Wade looked at her, “More of those Hydra guys?”

“Probably. They’re big on the ‘cut off one head, two more will replace it’ schtick.” Sigrid shrugged, “I’m just like – sweet, more heads to cut off.”

Wade’s eyes twinkled, “Vendetta?”

“Vividly violent, venomous vengeance.” She winked.

“Quickie before you go?”

That’d been the last time she’d seen Wade before he was both Wade and Deadpool. 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Stepping out front to make the call, Sigrid wasn’t entirely surprised to see a black sedan pull up in front. The front passenger window rolled down revealing a guy with blondish hair trimmed in a sort of spiky cut. A woman with sleek red hair drove.

The blonde man rested his elbow on the car window and he shook a Starbucks to-go cup that sounded like it was partly full of change. “We’re collectin’ for the poor motherfuckers in Philly.”

Sigrid’s lips twitched up at the corners, “Might be able to contribute. Sounds like a worthy cause.” She got into the back of the car.

The blonde man spoke into his cell phone, “On my way with Romanov.” He listened for a moment and plugged in the phone to the hands-free system. “All right, you’re up Agent Coulson.”

Coulson began, “Welcome V, we’ve heard about the jobs you’ve taken at St. Margaret’s. To be blunt, we’d like you to continue, but working with us – not as a vigilante.”

“Corporate saboteur.”

Continuing, unperturbed, Coulson said, “We represent the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division and we believe your cooperation will be beneficial to your interests and ours. Take your time and think about it. Agents Romanov and Barton are present for observation only.” _Worst infomercial ever._

“Observation only?” Agent Barton said in disbelief. “You told us to expect at least a hundred armed hostiles.”

Sounding semi-bored, Sigrid asked, “Any enhanced?” Agent Romanov nodded ever so slightly in approval – or acknowledgement. Hard to tell which.

Coulson not altogether thrilled, “Unknown.”

“Um… ‘modified’ weapons?” Sigrid asked carefully, not knowing for sure how classified guns modified with alien technology were – or if any of them had intel on what they might actually be walking into.

“Likely. Modifications unknown.”

Sigrid pressed herself back into the rich Corinthian leather upholstery. Folding her arms across her chest, she said, “So, to summarize – you want a show? And for your agents not to get vaporized.”

“Ideally, yes.” The sales pitch had been crappy, but she liked Agent Coulson’s dry wit.

“Gotcha.” Sigrid leaned her head back against the headrest.

“Agent Romanov, the Quinjet will meet you at the airport – just drive through –”

“I know the entrance you mean.” Romanov said crisply.

“We’ll send coordinates when you’re airborne.” Click.

Agent Barton looked over the back of the seat at her. “Vaporized?”

Sig shrugged noncommittally. “Volkóv boját'sja – v les ne hodít'.” _If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen._

Romanov half-smiled and translated literally, “If you're afraid of wolves, don't go to the woods.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

After the Philadelphia mission, she met Coulson face-to-face and he sent her on a circuit of unaccompanied missions: Johannesburg, Caracas, Manila, Vladivostok, Dresden. More.

Sigrid had been halfway between Krasnoyarsk and Irkutsk on the Trans-Siberian Railway enroute to Vladivostok during the Chitauri attack on New York. SHIELD didn’t fly everyone around in Quinjets. Especially if they were ‘flying under the radar’ so to speak. What’s 5,772 miles? Not that she’d counted during the _week_ she’d been on the train. She had finally read both _War and Peace_ and _Doctor Zhivago_. She’d even tried _Infinite Jest_ , but figured the joke was on whoever picked up the book.

When Sig returned to the city, cleanup had begun and none of Wade’s stuff was in her apartment. She should’ve called – but she hadn’t been able to as a government contractor on a series of classified missions. In reality, he was probably better off without her. A boyfriend you’re hesitant to tell your real name – or any of your old aliases – probably not long-term material. She’d only stayed for the sex – _so hot_... Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

After her 2012 world tour, the missions she got from Coulson were spaced far enough apart for her to hold a regular job. Having a job that required she speak to people helped draw her out of the shell she’d created for herself over the last seventy years? _Who was she kidding_ … She hadn’t ever really integrated back into society after losing Cerise – just over a hundred years ago.

The last five years had eased her back into interacting with the world. At first, just speaking to more than half a dozen people during the course of a week was a big deal. Look at her now – actually wanting to draw attention to herself… Falling in love with a guy who she really had told her deepest secrets to – before sleeping with him. _Who knew?_

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

_Early 2018_

And now, here Sigrid sat at a small table in Schwarma Palace waiting for Wade Wilson in her old Kevlar daywear. “We could really use his intel on the Hydra facilities he’s been hitting.” Blah, blah, blah… “Could finally put the last nail in the Centipede program’s coffin.”

Didn’t help that it hadn’t really seemed necessary to, you know, tell everybody. _Anybody_. At all. Nat and Clint figured she probably knew him from her lengthy stint at St. Margaret’s School for Wayward Girls, but yeah. She’d almost told Stark, but the conversation had shifted, so she hadn’t mentioned him. No one knew. _This was not going to go well_. And the whole team was listening. Not going to go well at all.

Sig picked at her chicken schwarma. They’d added pickled turnips, which she didn’t care for and she killed time by picking them out and listening to her headphones. She mouthed the words along, “Aw, wait – no way – you’re kidding, he didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?”

A familiar shape in red and black dropped into the chair next to her. He paused to sing along with her playlist, “Dr. Dre said? Nothing you idiots, Dr. Dre’s dead – he’s locked in my basement!” He elbowed her and in unison – almost like it hadn’t been five years since they last saw each other – they bounced in a tight circle in their chairs and sang “Jigga, jigga Slim Shady I’m sick of him…”

Sig punched him lightly on the shoulder and sighed, “Hey Wade…”

“Been a while… You never call anymore.” Then resting his head on her shoulder, “Miss me, V?”

“Sometimes.”

“Still think about me when you touch yourself?”

She rolled her eyes, “Fuckin’ A, Wade.”

Angry, he said, “No – you don’t get to act like that.” He pointed at her, “You left me. No call – nothing.” He gestured at his gear, “All this happened…”

“You met Vanessa.”

That sapped some of the combativeness. “Top three favorite things still start with ‘V.’ Vanessa, vagina, V….”

Unable to resist, she said, “Verily.” Then, resting her hand on the side of his neck, she asked softly, “Does it hurt?”

“Only when I laugh. Kidding, kidding! Close your eyes and I’ll let you cop a feel.”

Sigrid closed her eyes and let him slip her hand under his mask. Tentatively, she let her fingers explore the side of his neck and over his jaw, across his cheek. Instead of tracing his lips with her fingers, she tapped the end of his nose. “Aw, Trix….”

“I’m a strictly no tears formula, Sugarpop.” He gently removed her hand and pulled his mask back down.

“Don’t eat them anymore.”

“Me neither. Just Special K these days.”

She giggled.

“So, I heard a rumor about you…”

“Just one?” She arched an eyebrow, her eyes danced with mirth.

“I heard you were shagging Captain America.” Over his shoulder to the guy at the counter he said, “When she coulda fought Vanessa for all this?” gesturing to himself, “The cat fight woulda been super hot… Crazy! I know, right?!”

Turning back to Sigrid, Wade went on, “Does Cap taste like the second amendment or apple pie?” As if it were one or the other.

Sigrid touched her forehead in disbelief, “Wade!” She felt the flush of embarrassment creeping over her cheeks. She did laugh, though.

“Are there fireworks when he cums?”

“Wade! Knock it off!” She hit his shoulder with the back of her hand.

“Don’t hit me, Sugarpop. Domestic violence is a no-no.” Suddenly, the white eyes of his mask went wide, “Oh-em-gee! I forgot his friend! Is it like all three of you are a thing? Like an ice cream sandwich?”

“Christ, Wade! Shut up!”

“Aw… Okay, since you used your safe word and everything.” He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a little squeeze.

“I hate you so much right now.”

“Hate hate? Or sexy hate?” He lowered his voice, but only slightly. “Does he do that thing, you know…” Wade sort of wiggled his fingers in his attempt to illustrate.

“Fine. Yes. He does. I didn’t even have to show him how.” Sig took a deep breath and continued, “And his birthday is the fourth of July. So yeah, fireworks.” Her chin tilted up just slightly, daring him to keep teasing.

Deadpool sat back, momentarily speechless. Very brief moment. “Okaaaay. Sounds legit. Solid choice, V.”

“Vanessa watch clown porn with you?”

“Every other Thursday and twice on my birthday.”

After a moment of silence, Sig sat back in her chair and relaxed. “We did all right, huh?”

He sat, thinking, chin resting in his palm. “You still say that thing before you go out?”

“Which thing?”

“All-Father, light –”

“Mine eye that I may know the wicked. I am your instrument – guide my hands to deliver your justice. Protect my people – I am their shield. Det er således.” _It is thus_. She nodded. “Still don’t know who hears me, but I think someone does.”

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

In the very crowded apartment above Schwarma Palace, an argument was taking place. Natasha, quite correctly, was insisting someone go down there and get their mercenary friends back on the right subject.

Clint shook his head, “I am not going down there. At least her taste improved.”

Sam backed away as eyes turned toward him, “No way – _I’m_ not getting between Steve’s girl and her mutant ex-boyfriend.” This seemed to sum up the consensus pretty well.

Tony, Bucky, and Steve walked in. Natasha tilted her head slightly to the side. “Hi guys, thought you were bonding at the gym and then gonna fix motorcycles.”

Steve nodded, “We were just grabbing some lunch and decided to check in – see how things are going. Anything useful yet?”

Clint and Natasha put their backs to the monitors, hiding the screens where Sigrid was currently stroking her ex’s cheek while the rest of the team watched. The audio however, was still crystal clear.

Wade Wilson’s taunting sing-song, “I heard you were shagging Captain America. When she coulda fought Vanessa for all this?” gesturing to himself, “The cat fight woulda been super hot… Crazy! I know, right?!”

Steve froze in place. Sam muttered, “Who’s he talking to?” Everybody else tried (and failed) to seem casual.

Unfortunately for our studio audience, Wade went on, “Does Cap taste like the second amendment or apple pie?” Looks flickered across the faces in the upstairs apartment as if they were considering which option was more likely. Steve wheezed and turned pale. Bucky coughed and itched his nose, trying not to laugh.

“Are there fireworks when he cums?” Bucky lost it and burst out laughing.

“Wade! Knock it off!” They heard a light smack.

“Don’t hit me, Sugarpop. Domestic violence is a no-no.”

Steve mouthed _Sugarpop_? he looked at Nat and Clint, accusingly, “Did you two know about the two of them?”

“Oh-em-gee! I forgot his friend! Is it like all three of you are a thing? Like an ice cream sandwich?” Now Bucky blushed scarlet too.

Clint and Natasha shook their heads. Nat said, “We told you what we knew.”

Sigrid’s voice raised clear above the noise, “Christ, Wade! Shut up!”

“Aw… Okay, since you used your safe word and everything.”

Steve pointed at the monitoring equipment, “This needs to stop. Now.”

Nat raised her hands, “They’re just catching up, calm down.”

Steve opened his mouth to start arguing in earnest, when they heard Deadpool’s voice lower, “Does he do that thing, you know…” Clint and Nat moved so everyone could see what was going on.

“Fine. Yes. He does. I didn’t even have to show him how.” Sig took a deep breath and continued, “And his birthday is the fourth of July. So yeah, fireworks.” Her chin tilted up just slightly, daring him to keep teasing.

Everyone looked at Steve. Steve very slowly turned from a bright shade of pink to something closer to beet red. Tony grumbled and sighed. Rolling his eyes, Tony pressed 

Steve’s shoulders down, encouraging him to sit in the chair behind him.

“Got your smelling salts Red October?” The other outside half of the theoretical ice cream sandwich sat next to Rogers, a little stunned himself.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Tony volunteered to talk with Vinter and Deadpool. Anything was better than listening to the Katy Perry jokes he could almost hear forming in the air around him.

He was sure he’d made the right decision until he walked in the back of the restaurant to hear Sigrid ask, “Vanessa watch clown porn with you?”

 _What the fuck?!_ Tony wanted to be indignant, but looking at the two of them together and thinking about his own conversations with Vinter, he had to admit that while not something he’d ever expected to hear her say, totally within the realm of possibility.

Lost in thought, he missed part of what they said, it sounded like a prayer.

Sigrid said, “Still don’t know who hears me, but I think someone does.”

Tony said, “I heard you.” That slipped out.

Sigrid turned toward Stark and Deadpool looked up.

Tony walked over and sat down at their table. “Think I speak for the whole team when I say this: Any of your exes _not_ assassins?”

“Wade’s not an assassin.”

“Mercenary!” piped up her ex-boyfriend.

Tony stared at her, then back to her costumed ex. He shook his head, “Jesus, Elsa. Really?”

Sig shrugged her shoulders apologetically, “Costume’s new. Was sorta crazy hot?”

Deadpool somehow managed to make an eyebrow waggle obvious from under his mask.

“Uh-huh.” Tony had the unamused Avenger look on his face.

Sigrid looked at him, “Come on Tony, you’ve probably got at least one crazy ex…”

Tony leaned on the table and considered, “Maybe – not admitting anything – but he kinda takes the taco, Princess.” Without waiting for another interruption, he abruptly changed the subject. “So, heard you’ve been ‘investigating’ some Hydra secret super-soldier stuff. Dish.”

After complimenting Tony on his alliterative skills, the conversation did actually turn toward the whole reason they’d wanted to talk to Wade Wilson in the first place. Fireworks brighter than the moo-oo-oon aside.

When Deadpool left, Sigrid picked at her cucumber pickles (those she liked). She looked at Tony after making sure her mercenary ex was really gone. “So yeah, that’s Wade.”

Stark nodded, unusually quiet. “No filter on that one, huh?”

Sigrid shook her head, “Nope.” After a short pause, “When you’re into it, it’s really hot, but when you’re not…”

He blinked, looking dazed. “I get that. I do. I love and respect Pepper in a whole new way right now.”

Sig laughed.

Tony leaned over, “In all seriousness, you owe Capsicle a steak dinner and at least a week of whatever the hell he wants. He’s an old man, Princess – shocks like this are bad for the ticker.” He leaned back in his chair, “Probably something for RoboCop too…”

“I’m thinking a Baskin Robbins gift card is out?”


End file.
